I started writing this blog as my attempt at journaling. It then phased into my Facebook before Facebook. I used it for updating friends and family about our life and for sharing things I thought were important with those who were interested to know. Over the years it morphed into only conveying the spiritual lessons I was learning along the way which tended to make it more thought out and edited (because when it comes to a person’s theology, I do NOT want to lead anyone astray.) But with that new intention for posting came a sense of required eloquence and weight to deeply affect people with every post. Eventually, I didn’t have the brain power to maintain that kind of conversation with my blog followers regularly, so I just stopped “talking” (blogging). These days I post here and there but even as I sit here right now and type this, I feel the freedom to not impress, to not sound like a “wise sage” that has all of the answers. I admit, in the past I wanted people to think I was highly intellectual, I mean I did study the Bible for a college degree. But now I am comfortable sitting in the reality that I am smart without having to prove it to you, even when mom brain kicks in and deletes a word or two from my database. Ah, the joys of being in my thirties! Age has granted me permission to release carrying the weight of everyone else’s world on my shoulders and guided me to the importance of keeping my personal world healthy and strong. There are times I try to dabble in both realities still but I am hopeful by 40 I will allow myself the freedom to live without expectations that suffocate me.
So along that vein, I wanted to let you guys know that I am going to return to the original intention of this blog; me. It became about you over the course of the past decade or so and now I need it back. I need a place to ramble, to process and to record my reality. I know it will change, I know it will vary, I know some posts will have impact and others be a waste of your time but not mine. I need this blank canvas to click clack my keyboard at until what is in my head becomes a mirror for me to look into and learn, grow or just laugh. I want my outlet to be writing again and it may not entertain or impress you to read what comes out, but I am ok with that. This is for me to see me.
If you see yourself between the lines of these random postings then, by all means, engage in this adventure called life with me. I love how tethered two hearts can become when they can say, “ME TOO”! But if you don’t see yourself in the reflection of this mirror I am creating for myself, that’s ok too. Hopefully, it will give you some insight into how others might feel, live, think and therefore help you grow in understanding and compassion toward those unlike you.
Here you will get a peek into my beautifully crazy world folks. I hope you like it here, but I am ok if you don’t. You see I love it and wouldn’t want it any other way. Here is where I get to be my “wildly imperfect in my own gorgeous way” self. Hi, I’m Bethany. It’s good to see you again Bethany.